where is your line?

An important focus for Unite for Change in 2010 is to bring activists, seekers and leaders some really fresh, poignant works of art (which will include but is not limited to music, film, dance, painting, sculpture and theatre) that will engage others in a dialogue of violence prevention. Several of these items along with other innovative products and educational goods will be listed in a new section of our web site, titled Creative Goods. This will be a go to place for folks looking for anything from a great book or sexually empowered merchandise to works of art that will help reach audiences in a way that is engaging and thought provoking.


Pieces like Nancy Schwartzman’s film, THE LINE is of the caliber of what we are highlighting. The film asks, where is your line of consent? Seems simple, right? In a world growing up with no means no and messages and undertones that dismantle that belief, the idea of what consent is becomes muddled at best.

Enter Nancy.

Nancy tells her story of how she was raped by a man she had consensual sex with and compares her experience to her friend, who was raped by a stranger. She beautifully calls into question why association (although this is very likely given most rapists are not strangers) makes survivors and society often ask if it was really rape. Nancy goes as far as to return to Israel and confront her rapist on camera. He does not feel like he has done anything wrong but maybe it was sex that went too far. Ask yourself, when did we even allow “sex that went too far” to be anything other than rape? When did that become okay? Another reason this film is so important.

THE LINE is powerful because not only did it move us when we viewed it, but it has stayed with us and we think it will do the same for you. Part of the films strength comes from the experts Nancy interviews such as the well known attorney Brett Sokolow and a sex worker at the infamous Bunny Ranch. It may seem odd or ironic to have a lawyer who is an expert on sexual assault and a sex worker help establish a clear line of consent but they both contribute important messages to the film, including how much work there is to do in fully understanding consent and sex. In this film (around 30 minutes) Nancy takes us full circle on her journey. She is candid, honest, likeable and funny. The style of the film will help engage all types of people in the discussion about, sex, sexual assault and consent; a conversation that needs to take place far more frequently.

Our suggestion…

Reach out to Nancy. Say hello. Invite Nancy to your campus or community to discuss her documentary with you. Or check out where she is headed by visiting her web site http://www.thelinemovie.org/. Don’t miss a great opportunity to check out a fully endorsed Creative Good that helps break down the barriers of discussing consent in a way that is inclusive and insightful.

Nancy Schwartzman, writer, filmaker and activist

How far have we come?

Last week Becca and I had a chance to catch up with our favorite mother-daughter duo Marsha Bartenetti and Rachael Sudul, creators of JUST IN CASE and our conversation turned into a girl power pow wow – we love it when that happens! Marsha was kind enough to put some of her thoughts on paper and we are pleased to be able to share them with you.
Thanks Marsha for your righteous spirit, endless passion and for being fearless!



My daughter and I attended Maria Shriver’s Women’s Conference this past couple of days – and were exhibitors of our product JUST IN CASE® - Attended by approximately 10,000 women – I admit I had high expectations that as an exhibitor of our revolutionary product JUST IN CASE – the first product of its kind on the market: a chic and discreet mirrored compact with a hidden compartment that holds condoms. I believed we would reach our target market and that women would – because of the dire statistics surrounding sexual health – like STD’s HIV/AIDS - they would absolutely get the power of this groundbreaking trend.


The level of STD cases is up to a horrifying 1 in 4 teenage girls – not to mention the women who are in the Baby Boomer demographic – who also have contracted STD’s – and the epidemic of HIV/AIDS cases in this country…the number #1 killer of Black women in America - is it still okay to giggle at the mention of a condom?

Honestly, Ladies…how far HAVE we come?

I found myself getting more and more hostile with each passing giggle. And some of the responses to the discovery of what our product actually was were shocking to me. For instance, “Well, my daughter is 15 but I don’t want to ADVOCATE….(sex)” as she walks past our booth…

Or, “Oh, I have 17 and 18 year old daughters and I know they aren’t having sex…I couldn’t possibly give them one of these. They are SO busy with school and everything they don’t have time for boys!”

During this conference…Architects for Change…

I was disappointed at best at the number of women who were acting like the condom was the plague....and I admit I thought the level of consciousness would be high at this event and that women would surely “get” our product and message. To absently reject our product and what we had to say about actually GIVING their daughters a condom with silliness and jokes about condoms is like throwing our daughters under the bus.

When are we going to stop the madness and get our heads out of the sand?

Now don’t get me wrong – I am in the “for profit” business – however – I know the value of our product...and as agents for change- and I know the power of trend.

And in spite of all the information out there about being protected, etc. the statistics tell us otherwise – and the voice of this information is so loud…remember 1 in 4 teenagers has an STD?...It is SCREAMING in our ears to wake up!

And yet – women…and this is what is so mind boggling to me…insist on giggling… when they mention or hear the name condom! And they stay in denial pretending that they don’t have to worry about THEIR daughters being sexually active.

Granted not EVERY young teen is sexually active…but for God’s sake….millions are …and for some, it may be killing them…or perhaps keep them from ever having children because of becoming sterile through contracting an STD.

We offer a way for women of all ages who are sexually active – to have a beautiful way to stay protected and a way they will feel good about actually carrying a condom. WE consider the sensibilities of women with every design we do and know the requirements of style women have and their need for discretion….its in our DNA.

We know that innately women are modest when it comes to intimate details and are often too embarrassed to carry condoms.

So they don’t.

And they are passive about trusting their partner will be carrying protection. And are often shy about making sure he does. They hold on to the romantic ideal that if he “loved’ her he would be sure he was safe…and that if he doesn’t have a condom...he must be without disease.

Unfortunately – this can be like a game of Russian roulette!

Sexual explicit images are everywhere –Billboards, magazines, television, film, I guess all of that is okay? Especially for the young minds who soak up everything around them?

When did we stop protecting our young? - Don’t you think it’s possible that by normalizing these images – we “normalize” risky sexual behavior?

We are a society of celebrity idolizers – in spite of the crazy behavior many of them exhibit – domestic violence issues – are we to “normalize” this, as well?

The apology lists of these actions are frankly becoming rote and without consequence. Unfortunately, risky sexual behavior DOES have consequences.

If we are to change this paradigm of behavior – and turn the statistics back to the favor of our daughters/friends/relatives…lowering the statistics of cases of STD’s and HIV/AIDS...and unplanned pregnancy…and bringing a sense of self love and respect back – and healthy senses of shame - then we have to change the way we think about talking with our daughters.

We must LOVE THEM MORE THAN WE FEAR TALKING WITH THEM frankly about sexual behavior and risks.

Talk openly and talk often – even if they “roll their eyes” at you for being “gross”. Help them raise their personal requirements including their sexual health and choices.

It’s Time.

To be Fearless in 2010.

Sexual Health Report Card

The Trojan Sexual Health Report Card started four years ago with the concern of some scary statistics. As Bruce Tetreault, a group project manager for Trojan said… “Only one in three sex acts in singles uses a condom, there are 19 million new sexually transmitted infections every year and over 700,000 unplanned pregnancies under the age of 20 every year in the United States. That drove us to spark conversation and increase awareness of the state of sexual health awareness in America and by doing the Report Card we are able to do that and increase availability of information and resources.”

Kudos to Trojan for taking action and highlighting college campuses for promoting sexual health!

Congrats to the University of South Carolina for ranking #1!

Make your sexual health a priority. Learn how to get down with sexual empowerment here.

The annual study analyzed 141 schools in the major NCAA conferences, grading them on a wide array of factors, including health center hours of operation, condom availability, HIV testing costs and the availability of anonymous advice. Scores are tallied similar to grade point average, with 4.0 being the best, and 0.0 the worst.

Top 10 Best Schools for Sexual Health

1. University of South Carolina (3.43 Sexual GPA)

2. Stanford University (3.40 Sexual GPA)

3. University of Connecticut (3.38 Sexual GPA)

4. Columbia University (3.24 Sexual GPA)

5. Florida Atlantic University (3.23 Sexual GPA)

6. University of Georgia (3.21 Sexual GPA)

7. Michigan State University (3.17 Sexual GPA)

8. Cornell University (3.17 Sexual GPA)

9. Brown University (3.15 Sexual GPA)

10. Duke University (3.15 Sexual GPA)


The 10 Worst Schools for Sexual Health

1. DePaul University (0.62 Sexual GPA)

2. St. John’s University (1.24 Sexual GPA)

3. Providence College (1.37 Sexual GPA)

4. Baylor University (1.54 Sexual GPA)

5. Bringham Young University (1.57 Sexual GPA)

6. Arkansas State University (1.58 Sexual GPA)

7. University of Louisiana at Lafayette (1.63 Sexual GPA)

8. Louisiana Tech University (1.64 Sexual GPA)

9. Seton Hall University (1.71 Sexual GPA)

10. Troy State University (1.71 Sexual GPA)


USC tops sexual health rankings
Availability of information, testing help Carolina excel

By Ellen Meder
Assistant Mix Editor
Published: Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Everyone comes to college for education but, according to a study released Tuesday, the University of South Carolina is currently leading the nation in a non-academic field of education: sexual health.

USC was ranked No. 1 out of 141 NCAA colleges and universities nationwide for availability of sexual health information and resources according to the fourth annual Trojan Sexual Health Report Card. Never having slipped below No. 11, South Carolina embodied many of the 13 points of criterion for an overall 3.43 sexual health GPA.

Trojan Brand Condoms has been in the contraception business for over 90 years, according to Bruce Tetreault, a group project manager for Trojan, and aligns its business objectives with public health needs.

“Four years ago we got some really sobering statistics about the state of sexual health in America,” Tetreault said. “Only one in three sex acts in singles uses a condom, there are 19 million new sexually transmitted infections every year and over 700,000 unplanned pregnancies under the age of 20 every year in the United States. That drove us to spark conversation and increase awareness of the state of sexual health awareness in America and by doing the Report Card we are able to do that and increase availability of information and resources.”

Trojan enlisted Sperling’s BestPlaces, a Portland, Or. data analysis company, to measure both the access and availability of information and resources. Sperling’s BestPlaces graded universities based on data from campus health centers, student polls and other readily available information like school Web sites. Cost of and access to contraception, HIV testing Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) testing as well as outreach and peer groups factored in to the grading. Amount of sexual activity and STI rates were not included in the study because such information is difficult to accurately obtain said company president Bert Sperling. With a Facebook campaign targeting each school, Sperling’s BestPlaces ran advertisements for questionnaires that asked students five question: Would you consider contacting the health center for a sexual health issue? Does the health center do a good job? Are the services complete? Is he staff trustworthy? And, is there room for improvement? Over 6,000 students responded nationally, with 89 USC responses.

“In those scores, USC received one of the very highest scores in student responses,” Sperling said. “It has a very good Web site and they have student peer groups, they have programs for assault and sexual harassment awareness, and outreach and lecture programs are all top notch. In many areas very excellent.”

Thompson Student Health Center helped in many ways, including everything from free Pap smear testing and free condoms to informative pamphlets. The Sexual Health & Violence Prevention’s (SH&VP) services is where USC especially excelled, offering healthy relationship services, STI information, sexual assault and stalking prevention and lots of campus outreach.

“Our overall goal is seeing students have healthy relationships, including partners, roommates and friendships,” said Ryan Wilson, the Sexual Health Program Coordinator at SH&VP. “My focus is just the sexual health piece of that whole.”

With the University 101 outreach program, SH&VP representatives go class to class with a “What your peers never told you about sex” presentation that gives students full information on both safe sex and abstinence and sparks discussion about personal beliefs.

“We ask students to decide on their own sexual health, to do make those decisions on their own timeline, when they’re ready,” Wilson said.

Additionally, SH&VP spends a lot of time researching student sexual health and holds events like the Nov. 17 World AIDS Day forum, as well as Greene Street condom handouts throughout the year and the Project Condom fashion show in the spring. The branch of the health center also helps out the student sexual health group, Share, in their dissemination of information.

“What we’re doing is on target from the research I’m reading about how peers can help other peers with a lot of this,” Wilson said. “We all need to make responsible decisions and then help others as well. That is one way we can improve, is to take care of each other in every area.”

Kat King, a third-year visual communication student and the president of Share, agreed that students listen more to people like themselves.

“I’m really thrilled about the honor,” King said. “I think it’s really the visibility of our peers and the amazing research of the SH&VP office that got us here.”

Share has about 40 undergraduate members, and is holding many events this month to mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and participates with SH&VP in World AIDS Day activities, Safe Spring Break Week, Project Condom, Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Stalking Awareness Day and Homophobia Awareness week.

“I’m really proud of the work we’ve done and definitely feel that in certain areas we are leading the way,” Wilson said.

The healthy discussion of formerly taboo topics at USC is not an isolated occurrence, though.

“Now students are asking how they can help their schools improve the availability of this information and we’ve really seen student empowerment happening,” Tetreault said. “For us, that’s been the biggest change and the most gratifying.”

Call for Programs

We are thrilled to introduce our new Programs for Change initiative developed by our fabulous social outreach intern, Sabrina Sadler.


We invite you to join the Unite for Change Campaign. With so many students and campus professionals creating and joining programs and organizations throughout the world that are doing all kinds of good in their communities to help prevent sexual assault and promote healthy sexuality we want to do our part to help spread the word and inspire others to take action in their respective hoods.

The first Monday of each month starting November 2nd Unite for Change is going to highlight a Program for Change. If you are currently a member of a campus or community project that’s making a difference or would like to nominate a program that has impacted you please e-mail Sabrina at sabrina@kellyandbecca.com

Approved programs will be shared through the Unite for Change Facebook group page, posted on the KellyandBecca.com blog and also featured on http://www.uniteforchange.com/

These are the deets we need to get started-

1. Name of your school and/ or organization

2. Title for the program/resource

3. Target audience

4. Goals/ objectives

5. Program description

6. Contact information and website if applicable

Thank you in advance for your submissions. We look forward to showcasing your community initiative as a Program for Change.

Hopeful, Determined & Focused,

The Unite for Change Team

Daily Sexversation

Can a man fake an orgasm?

Fall Conference to Consider

Unite for Change is proud to be a co-sponsor for the 2009 National Conference on Sexual Assault in Our Schools hosted by the Safe Society Zone . This years conference is being held November 13- 15 in Orlando, FL . The annual conference brings together campus and community professionals, students, peer educators, safety and security, health professionals and military personnel to address the issues surrounding sexual violence on campus. There's lots of opporunity for learning and networking and a great program line-up including presenters such as yours truly, Ben Atherton-Zeman, Andrea Cooper, Saundra, Schuster, Brett Sokolow, Joesph Vess and many more.

Early registration is open until October 31st. Check out the web-site and see if it's something you can swing this year or maybe put on your calendar for next year.

We hope to see you in warm, sunny Florida in November!

Texas may be changing their ways

I'm glad to see that some folks are finally willing to recognize that abstinence only education simply does not work. It looks like some schools in the lone star state are turning their back on abstinence only education. I suppose some is better than none but Texas and many if not all of the other states in the great U.S. of A. have a long way to go. This recent article posted on the Women's Health Policy Report gives me a tiny glimmer of progress toward accurate sex education.


Some Texas Schools Abandon Abstinence-Only as Teen Pregnancy Climbs, Funding Shifts

September 29, 2009

Some Texas school districts are abandoning abstinence-only curricula in favor of abstinence-based programs that also teach about contraception and prevention of sexually transmitted infections, the Austin American-Statesman reports. Many of the school districts, including Austin's, made the change after it became clear that teen pregnancy rates were climbing under the abstinence-only approach, according to the American-Statesman. The change also comes as the Obama administration seeks to shift federal abstinence-only dollars to programs proven to reduce teen pregnancy rates.

More government money has been spent teaching abstinence in Texas than any other state, and it has the third-highest teen birth rate in the country, the American-Statesman reports. A Texas State University study released earlier this year found that less than 5% of Texas districts have comprehensive sex education. The school districts in Austin, Lufkin and some other areas have adopted "abstinence-plus" curricula, which teach that abstinence is the safest choice but also stress the importance of using contraception if teens become sexually active. "

Our data says that what we're doing isn't working, and our community is ready for us to do something different," Roy Knight, superintendent of the Lufkin Independent School District, said. Whitney Self, lead teacher for health and physical education in the Hays Consolidated Independent School District, which switched to abstinence-plus, said, "We mainly did it because of our pregnancy rate. We don't think abstinence-only is working."

One federal abstinence program -- known as Title V -- expired in June. Congress, with support from the Obama administration, is also considering replacing a second federal program, the Community-Based Abstinence Only Program, with one that funds initiatives "proven to delay sexual activity, increase contraceptive use (without increasing sexual activity), reduce the transmission of [STIs] or reduce teen pregnancy."

The American-Statesman reports that Texas could face challenges as it seeks to implement the types of federally funded programs envisioned by Congress. Sex education is not required in the state, but when it is offered, it must meet strict abstinence mandates under the Texas Education Code, which is "widely interpreted as barring detailed instruction about birth control and condoms," according to the American-Statesman.

Austin Tries New Approach
The revised sexual education program in the Austin school district was created by Janet Realini, a San Antonio physician and public health expert who testified before the state Board of Education in 2004 about faulty medical information in school health textbooks. Realini's program teaches students about STIs and the success rates of various forms of contraception. "The key message is, if you're sexually active, you need to use a condom because it will reduce the risk of [STIs] and reduce the chance of pregnancy," Realini said. Her program, available online and free of charge, has been adopted by school districts in Hays County, San Antonio, Lufkin and the Rio Grande Valley. The Houston school district, Texas' largest, is considering the program for next year. Houston has more children born to teens under age 15 than any city in the country (Bell, Austin American-Statesman, 9/27).

Safer Sex is Totally Hot!

One of the many projects we've been working on over the past couple of months is creating new and of course sexy ways to encourage students to make sexual health a priority. We're going to save the big fancy project that's been our labor of love for the official roll out which is happening in the coming months. In the mean time we wanted to share a tiny list with huge impact. (not that size really matters...or does it?) Anyhow, enjoy!

Smart + Safe = Sexy

1. If you are not able to discuss sex with your partner, then you should not have sex with your partner. It is important to talk about your sexual health, protection, and birth control before sexual intimacy, not after. For the right partner, this is a turn-on.

2. For optimal protection, double up by using birth control (pill, patch, ring, etc.) to prevent pregnancy and a condom to prevent STIs (sexually transmitted infections). Doubling up your condoms themselves is never a good idea, though: the friction usually ruins them both. In order for condoms to serve their purpose, they must be stored safely and used properly.

3. A back-up plan is always good; consider carrying two condoms in case of emergency or in case of an unexpected round two.

4. Asking your partners to practice safe sex does not—we repeat, does not—mean you do not trust them. It means that your sexual health and theirs is a priority. And if they can't respect that, then they don't respect you.

5. Mixing alcohol or drugs with sex can be a disastrous combination. These substances can alter your ability to make good decisions. If you want to get intimate, it’s best to do it when you are sober.

6. Regular sexual-health care is essential to maintaining your sexual health and well-being and super sexually empowered status. We're not just talking about "uh-oh" tests or exams. Your sexual health appointments should be an annual soiree of the private and confidential variety.

7. Sex should be consensual and pleasurable for all parties involved. When in doubt, don't.

World Approaches to Sex Education

By Molly Hays, Communcations Intern

Teenage pregnancy tends to be a good indicator of the effectiveness of sexual education programs. Currently, the Netherlands hold the record for lowest incidence of teenage pregnancy. Conversely, teenage pregnancy is the greatest in sub-Saharan Africa. Both cultures are on the extreme opposite ends when it comes to sexual education; and it shows. Meanwhile, China and America are undergoing major policy changes in their sex education programs.

In sub-Saharan Africa, for every 1,000 girl’s ages 15 to 19 years old, 143 become pregnant. In addition, lack of proper health care resources means that carrying and having a child places the mother’s life at great risks.

Sub-Saharan Africa deals with human rights issues like child marriage, genital mutilation, sex trafficking and gender equality. These issues coupled with a lack of basic education can be disastrous.

Thankfully, education is on the rise, both basic and sexual. Previously higher education levels in the region had been linked with increased contraction of STIs and since holding a higher education afforded people more free time and access to sex workers and HIV/AIDS during a time when sex education was almost nonexistent. However, that has been reversed with the onset of HIV/AIDS education.

Unease about sexuality creates a taboo in sub-Saharan Africa that sexual education programs have a hard time combating. Studies show that cultural sensitivity like explaining sex education as a tool to prevent HIV/AIDS makes the programs more socially acceptable than just the sexual education descriptor alone.

The biggest component of lowering teenage pregnancy and STI rates is primary education for the skills learned in school affords people the reasoning skills to effectively make conscious decisions regarding their sexual health.

Unlike sub-Saharan Africa, sexual education taboos have been eradicated in the Netherlands. An open approach is taken in schools where teachers and students converse freely about sexual topics, blending hard facts with feelings.

The program called “Lang leve de liefde” or “Long Live Love,” was developed in the 1980s when AIDS became a hot topic. Sex is treated as a natural interaction between two human beings, and teachers are taught to teach the truth about sex to even elementary school children. This openness has silenced snickers and giggles – giving way to completely open forums where children are relaxed and not afraid to ask questions.

Honesty is important as children are also informed about homosexual intercourse, prostitution, masturbation and contraception. Currently 93 percent of sexually active youth use contraception.

However, a negative stigma is attached to having a child before reaching the age of 20. Also sex is viewed in terms of love and not conquest, resulting in many youth waiting until almost 18 years of age to have sex.

Until recently, sex education in China had been limited and taboo. Now, however, new policies are breaking through the limitations and taboos by making sex education available and easier to talk about.

In February the government launched a campaign aimed at eradicating old views and replacing them with knowledge and ease in seeking medical assistance for sexual health
Prior to this campaign, it was not uncommon for sex education to be limited to a single page in a book that children were instructed to read on their own. Many children learned about sex from pornography websites, since their education need was not being met by schools or family.

Many people suffering from sexually transmitted diseases were reluctant to seek help, or never did. In addition, STI rates, especially that of HIV and AIDS continued to rise, forcing the government to take action thus the new program; the goal is to educate and guide people but also to restrict negative sexual influences like the very porn websites children sought out.

Sex and the State

President Obama has initiated many changes in policy already; the greatest change that pertains to sex education is that the budget eliminates funding for abstinence only sex education programs.

This is a drastic, 180 degree turn from the abstinence only programs President Bush promoted. Obama is opting for an education based teen pregnancy prevention program.

On the campaign trail, Obama had been attacked for backing a bill that would begin sex education in elementary school. He insisted that age-appropriate, science-based education was necessary, saying it was the right things to do.

Only time will tell if the policies will be followed and if states will catch on to implementing science-based and age-appropriate sex education in their schools and just how these education programs influence STD, STI and teen pregnancy incidence.

These changes do look bright, allowing for more discourse and actual education.