Friday, March 27, 2009

April is almost here!

During the fourth month of every year hundreds of thousands of folks come together to spread awareness and to stand up and speak out against sexual assault in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). In powerful displays of solidarity, men and women are educating and engaging others to help end sexual violence.

One of the perks of our travels is the chance to see the many ways students and community members honor this special time of year. Feeling inspired but nothing is planned as of yet? Don't panic, if your Sexual Assault Awareness event is not underway, we've got your back. There are tons of ideas out there just waiting for you to snatch them up and several are low budget or free. So check them out, get inspired and get to planning! Unite for Change is a good place to start and there are also fantastic event ideas on the official SAAM site

If we can be of service please let us know and don't forget to share the photos from your successful, uniquely you event so we can brag all about you and share your ideas and accomplishments with other campuses and communities.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

And the Spring Break Sexversation continues....

Same question. 3 opinions.

Do our sexual boundaries change while on vacation or spring break, and if so is that okay? (Ex: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.)

Keshia tells all-
The only time I actually plan to have completely anonymous hook-up sex is when I’m going on vacation. While in my circle of friends it, at one time, was a running joke that I was going to try and have sex in every continent, I know I am far from alone.

The idea of a vacation is already fantasy enough. Staying in a immaculately clean 4-star hotel with 500-thread count sheets, a balcony overlooking (fill in: beach, European city, etc.), and maid service is enough to send most women into insta-orgasm already. Then add, no job or boss to answer to, gorgeous weather, your best friends at your side, and no one judging you for popping open a bottle of champagne at 11AM, and you have utopia.

Of course our sexual boundaries change on vacation, along with every other boundary that we set for ourselves in the “real world.” We eat 1000-calories at breakfast, lunch and dinner – each! We substitute our 8-10 glasses of water each day with 8-10 cocktails, we stay up until the sun comes out, we spend money with no regard for our checking account, and we don’t care because we are on vacation.

We inhibit ourselves so much in the day to day operation of our real lives because we are afraid of what other people would think. But not just any people, we really only care about the people we know or come in contact with on a regular basis. I would love to grab that hot guy in the elevator and start giving him amazing head before we reach his office on the 27th floor, but I can’t because tomorrow morning I will have to see him again.

On vacation, the strangers who happen to be in my magical paradise the same time I am there have no expectations of me. They don’t know who I am or what I’m about, so, in my mind, the shock value is gone, and I can be as free as I want to be. And yes, that is absolutely okay.
See what else is on Keshia’s mind at

The Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex, Alexandra Katehakis chimes in-

I think people drop their inhibitions while on vacation when it comes to sex, alcohol, gambling, shopping, or eating. To many, "vacation" means a break from all responsibility so letting loose can feel like a stress reliever. While having a little extra fun on vacation is okay for most, some will take it to self-destructive ends due to lack of impulse control. Any activity that repeatedly takes a person out of their integrity is secretive, shaming, or abusive is likely a problem.

"What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico" is fine as long as the person can look themselves in the mirror when they've returned home and feel good about their experiences.

Marcia Baczynski shares her perspective-
This is a great question to consider whether you're in a relationship or not. Most of us don't stop to consider our own sexual boundaries and agreements with ourselves when thinking about questions like this, but we all have things we will or won't do, and our reasons for that. And, if we're in a relationship, there's a lot more to consider.

Being in a different environment than usual can be incredibly liberating. People don't know you. The weather's fantastic. Your usual responsibilities don't apply, and you have all the time in the world. You meet a hot stranger... and you hook up.

So does what happens in Mexico, stay in Mexico?

Well, it depends. There are some factors to consider. Are you being true to your own values? Are you breaking someone else's trust? Are you playing safe (physically and emotionally)? There's a world of difference between A) giving into pressure for a condomless fuck with a stranger, when you have a long-term, committed, monogamous significant other at home and B) having a good time with someone new while knowing exactly what to expect, when there's an on-again/off-again fuck buddy house-sitting for you. And there's all sorts of gray area in between.

If you don't have a significant other, then you owe no one an explanation. Maybe you had a great time, maybe you learned something new about yourself, and maybe you found out something you never want to do again. Regardless of the outcome, it's your personal business. You may find that there are some new avenues you want to explore sexually, and you can do that as the opportunities present themselves. You may want to create those opportunities yourself.

If you DO have someone whose trust you might have broken, that's a different story. It's not about "Are you going to get in trouble?" Fact is, if you tell your partner, you probably will have to face some music. Fundamentally, though, it's about what kind of relationship you want to have. If you're fine with both of you having your secrets, then there's maybe no reason to speak up. But if you want your significant other to trust you and build intimacy between you, it's perhaps best to take your lumps and come clean.

A friend once called me with a dilemma. Her boyfriend had just come back from vacation in Thailand. He sat her down and said there was something he wanted to talk to her about. Turns out he had had sex a Thai prostitute. Without a condom. In questionable circumstances. Needless to say, she was not pleased with this information. She was absolutely pissed that he cheated on her and put himself into a dangerous situation. On the other hand, he respected her enough to come clean about it before he had sex with her, so that she could make an informed choice about what to do. The cognitive dissonance was a little hard to navigate: "He cheated on me, but he cleaned it up as fast as he could and without putting me at risk. Should I go with being pissed? Or should I be grateful that he cares so much about me that he didn't keep it a secret?"

It took some time, but they eventually worked it out. He might have messed up, but he didn't make her pay for it. His honesty about what happened, and the fact that he respected her enough to let her make the choice about how to handle it, laid the foundation for their relationship to get better and stronger. A year and half later, they're still together, happier than ever.

--Marcia is the Director of Relationship Programming for Ideal Balance

Thank you for sharing your thoughts ladies.

Look out for more in this Sexversation series in the coming days. We could talk about spring break for-e-v-e-r.

Wishing we were on a beautiful tropical island right now!

- K & B

Monday, March 16, 2009


In honor of spring break we posed a Sexversation® to a diverse group of experts, professionals, and simply people who love to talk about sex.

Do our sexual boundaries change while on vacation or spring break, and if so is that okay? (Ex: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.)
We’re going to share several of their responses with you over the coming week to help you get your Sexversation® started. Because we don’t believe in censorship, we’ll share the answers as is. While we may not have answered the question the same way, Sexversations® is all about personal opinion. We hope you can relate and we certainly hope you will Sexversate!

Here’s what Bryan Kutner had to say-
Last year, I traveled to Brazil with some friends, one of whom had a well heeled but persistent Brazilian nipping at her panties. Though my friend was on the brink of moving from casual to serious with a guy back home, she wasn't sure they'd continue when she returned. So she bagged the Brazilian--literally, with condoms pilfered from my stash.

If this Brazilian dude had been her neighbor, would she have so readily turned around and welcomed him into her lap? Probs not. The distance made a difference. The time zone changed, and so did her boundaries.

There's a moral tone to the question, "Is that okay?" Of course it's okay that sexual boundaries change when we travel. It happens naturally: if you're the kind of person who enjoys eating new foods, staying in a new city, socializing with new people, why wouldn't your sex life shift when you're in a different part of the world?

That said, there's a chance that what happens in Brazil doesn't always just stay in Brazil. Will my friend feel guilty about the sex she had? Will she carry something back other than the smile on her face, say a sexually transmitted infection? What's her emotional investment; I mean, is she gonna pine for this guy when she's back home? Could she end up fetishizing Brazilian men (note the dog analogy in my description), now that she's had this new experience?

Those are all questions that she probably didn't think all the way through before she had sex on vacation. It's actually unrealistic to think that she would. After all, vacation is a time to enjoy being away from the humdrum of daily life, to take risks, try something new, carry back what you got and see how it fits into life at home. In the end, whatever she got from pushing her boundaries while away most certainly had an effect on her life back on the ranch. Was it good? Was it bad? Who knows. But I bet she learned something about herself in the process and, barring any serious harm to her already precarious relationship or to her being, it was fun to try something new.
Send a shout to sexual health educating brother at his home on facebook

What’s on Doc Brown’s mind-
I love to talk about sex! Here is what I think about all of this...
Do our sexual boundaries change while on vacation or spring break and if (ex: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.)
I would say yes and no in regards to the boundaries question.
Yes especially if you drink alcohol and/or drugs, because these substances change our ability to make conscious decisions, lowers our inhibitions, our wants take president over our judgment or rules or commitments we have made to other people (our BFs, GFs, husbands wife's) and also if we do not fear judgment, humiliation or consequences when we are drunk or stoned then we will do more and more risky behavior.

Yes if you are a person who can easily avoid or doesn't feel guilt or can rationalize your way out of breaking a rule or commitment if you have made with someone else.

No if your character is to be prude or normal or reserved and you don't drink alcohol and you don't get influenced by friends or being in an exotic location, you will probably not be affected

Is it OK? --- Not me to judge/ The person should judge him or herself in his own actions and be responsible of the consequences if any of his/her behavior at home or on vacation/

Dr. Cindy Brown- Author, Speaker, Coach, Therapist

Jina Bacarr shares her thoughts (and new book!)-
As a writer of exotic, erotic romance, I ask my characters this question all the time. I believe if you let your sexual boundaries change while on vacation, you should be ready to accept the consequences (and bring the condoms). If you're in a committed relationship and you and your guy are looking for adventure, then skinny dipping in the Caribbean or joining the Mile High Club before you land in Paris could be right for you. But what if you lock eyes with a certain someone across a crowded room? What then?

Letting your sexual urges override your common sense with that suave guy you met in a club in an exotic locale can have an interesting and provocative outcome, but it can also turn deadly. Ask my heroine in Cleopatra's Perfume (April 2009), the story of a woman on holiday who has an insatiable appetite for sexual adventure in 1939 Europe.

The bottom line: if you wouldn't do it at home, don't do it on the road. Too many dangerous curves…

Lia Hollander thinks it’s a comfort thing-
Personally, I think that ones sexual boundaries shouldn't change. And that includes vacation. If you are comfortable doing something sexually, you should always be comfortable, no matter the location. If you can't admit to something you are doing, you aren't ready to be doing it.
I think that alcohol, rather than vacation or spring break is often the catalyst for people doing things they wouldn't normally, do. Exhibit A: Mardi Gras.
However, I also think that people use alcohol, or "Oh, I was drunk" to excuse things that they deep down really wanted to do, but were afraid would be judged harshly by others. Being drunk is a way to excuse a behavior they deep down really wanted to do.
So, if you enjoy flashing your breasts to strangers, or you enjoy having a new, nameless sex partner every night, more power to you. But I hope that you are staying safe, staying sober and doing these things for your pleasure.
Thanks to Bryan, Dr. Brown, Jina and Lia for getting today's Sexversation® started. Stay tuned for tommorow's comments.

If you enjoy this new feature of the blog let us know and we’ll keep on keep’n on. Leave a comment or hit us up at . Also, you can join the Sexversation® on Facebook

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Frozen Tundra

Sometimes it feels like bad weather follows us on our cross country journey to spread the good word of sexual empowerment. Not sure if the weather finds us or we find it, either way we're always up for the challenge. Through rain, sleet or snow, we will find our way.

Becca found great humor in me snow plowing our rental car while working in the northeast during the Great Storm of 2009. Seriously, that's what the weather folk were calling it. I don't know about great but it sure was messy.

We woke up early to do our best to get ready for the snow filled highways. Manual labor for Becca was a photo shoot followed up by a quick video shoot and so here's what we have to share from the Great Storm of 2009. What a glamorous life we live!

Two Florida girls trying to do our thing and doing our best to stay safe and warm through it all.

Sunday, March 01, 2009


"Live like you mean it."

We hear it in motivational meetings, spiritual circles and from our Grandmama's. We read it in positive self help books and sometimes even on print art in the home section of Target (oh how I love thee, Target!). It's everywhere, but what does it really mean? Live like you mean it.

To me, it means living with no regrets. Man, that's hard, but something I try very, very, very, okay just one more very, hard to do. But are we really living like we mean it if we have to constantly remind ourself to live like we mean it?

What do you think?

What would your Grandmama think?