Monday, May 04, 2009

We Can't Stop Sexversating!

Nelly and Timbaland sang about being promiscuous and we're talking about it. Here are some of the latest answers to our most recent Sexversation®:
What constitutes a woman as being promiscuous? What about a man?

Melody Brooke, Co-Author "OH Wow This is Great Sex!" thinks promiscuity is the same for men and women. Here's what she had to share--

"Promiscuity" is the same whether you are male or female, in spite of how we may think about it. Promiscuity is when you have sex with multiple partners without regard for the impact that it has on either of you. When it occurs it occurs as a result of a deep lack of respect for oneself. We convince ourselves it is because we are "living large" or "having fun". But really its an attempt to control our feelings of inadequacy. We have to prove that we are "hot" or we are using sex addictively to medicate the pain we hold inside. Usually its a combination of the two. Again, this is true whether you are male or female.

What Shane Maus thinks--

Promiscuity is generally defined by the person using the word. Seems the definition varies greatly based on a person’s morals and values, but that's not all; the word's definition also depends on what the users definition of sex regarding promiscuity is. For instance many conservative Christians would consider any sexual activity outside of marriage to be promiscuous and still other more liberal people would consider a promiscuous person to be someone who has lots of sex without any emotional connection to their partner. This would also introduce a level of intimacy into the definition as well. Would you consider someone who has sex as a job to be promiscuous if this person enjoys a monogamous committed relationship outside their job? These simple observations alone show without any doubt that promiscuity is a word and a subject that is wrought with passionate controversy.
Personally I find that the word promiscuous implies a level of irresponsibility or carelessness, so I believe the people that contribute to the spread of STDs and unwanted children in our society are the ones that I would identify as the most promiscuous.

Seems like a mighty good time for us to talk about condoms, plain and simple: use em' people.

Safe Sex = Good Sex

Susie Shina joins the sexversation in a powerful way--

These questions have always been a societal double-edged sword. Women are sluts- men are studs - considering the number of partners. Sex is very powerful. I believe the distinction of 'promiscuous' is based on how the power of sex is used...physical / emotional enjoyment vs abusing the power or using sex for other reasons- fill void, lack of self-esteem, manipulation.

Coy Long breaks it down for us--

What constitutes a woman as being promiscuous?
1. A woman that has sexual encounters with several men
2. A woman that is loose
3. A woman that is fast

What constitutes a man as being promiscuous?
1. Society says nothing

Society holds women to a higher standard than men. It's not fair that men who sleep around are given a pat on the back and women are singled out and labeled whores and sluts. What about all these men out there who carry themselves like male whores? A man can be a hoe or a slut too. I think the old rule applies if it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck then we must label it as being a duck.

From an anonymous contributor--

Wikipedia defines promiscuous behavior as having casual sex with many partners. Is it possible for middle aged people to be promiscuous? I wonder if it is "casual" that needs to be examined.

We, as a society, look down on casual sex among teenagers as being undisciplined and the source of unplanned pregnancy and transmission of STD's. As we get older, we make a more conscious decision as to when and with whom we engage in sexual relations. Does that make the same behavior less promiscuous? Probably not, but there does not seem to be much concern over the promiscuity of middle aged men and women.

I would propose that promiscuous behavior is that which negatively impacts other aspects of our lives: pregnancies that change the lives of teenagers and their parents, adulterous sex in committed relationships. There are clearly adults engaged in extra-marital sex that is "approved" by their partners, and I would not classify that as promiscuous behavior.

We also live in a society where we want to be "good" at things, and as Malcolm Gladwell points out in "Outliers", the way that we get good is via practice. How else does one get "good" at sex? You cannot learn how to "manipulate" another person to the desired arousal state via reading and watching alone! At some point you either need to practice on yourself or another person to see what works and what doesn't work. Our society needs to lose their obsession with controlling sexual behavior so rigorously and just begin to enjoy themselves!

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