Perez Hilton’s Altercation Highlights Issue of Victim Blaming

Perez Hilton is known for taking cheap shots at celebrities, but things got messy when Black Eyed Peas singer will.i.am’s manager physically fought back.

Apparently members of the Black Eyed Peas asked Hilton, real name Mario Lavandeira, to back off on his critical approach of the members and their music at the MuchMusic Video Awards held in Toronto on Sunday. He refused and engaged in some explicative name-calling.

Later Hilton was assaulted by the band’s manager, Liborio "Polo" Molina. Molina has been charged with assault and has a hearing scheduled for early August.

Regardless of the situation that led up to the altercation, the reaction following has been strikingly similar to reactions many sexual assault survivors experience. Victim blaming has been occurring all over the web, from tweets to blogs to comment’s on Hilton’s site.
What’s sad about this situation is that people are finding justification for Molina’s actions, just as many people find justification for the horrific experiences sexual assault survivors endure.
John Mayer used his twitter account to inform Hilton that, “People don't want to see you hurt, they want to see you experience something equalizing,” and “By understanding the genetics of a violent incident you can learn to avoid them. And if you can't, you will learn to end them.”
The flaw in his logic though is suggesting that Hilton could have avoided the violence. While name-calling could have been avoided, there’s a line between verbal violence and physical violence. And one doesn’t justify the other. However, Mayer’s not alone.

Others are justifying the incident saying that Hilton, “Had it coming to him,” and that this must be his karma.

That sounds very similar to, “If only she hadn’t drank so much…” and “Just look at the way she was dressed; she was asking for it.”

No one asks to be assaulted.

Hilton responded to all the reactions on his blog, saying, “There are many ways to deal with disagreements, both good and bad, but violence is never the answer. Never. I now know that first-hand. It should not be condoned, promoted or accepted. No one "deserves" to be the victim of violence. No one "has it coming." NO ONE. And victims should not be ridiculed.”

I find it surprising that victim blaming even exists. However, I hope this situation will highlight victim blaming as a whole, and especially victim blaming in sexual assault cases. I hope that all these people coming to the celebrity blogger’s side will open their eyes and reevaluate victim blaming on all levels, not just on the plane of celebrity ranting.

--Molly Hays, Communications Intern

Steps to Empower Survivors of Sexual Assault

Believe them - Believe them without question or hesitation is one
of the most important things you can do. Never question a person’s
actions, details of the assault or why they feel the way they do.

Help them explore their options - Empower them! Let them know
they are not alone and remind them of available resources (campus
counselor, campus or community rape crisis center, women’s center,
hospital, police department, etc). It is always up to the survivor to
make choices that will affect their healing process.

Listen to them - Offer your support and time. Let them know they
can talk to you about their experience when they are ready.
Never blame them - Say clearly and with care, “It was not your
fault.” It is important that you help them understand that no matter
what happened, it was not their fault.

Allow them to react - Remember, there are many ways for a survivor
to respond. It is important not to ask a lot of probing questions.
Your presence can reassure the survivor and allow them to work out
their feelings in a safe environment.

Helpful Phrases:
• What do you want to do?
• How do you feel about that?
• Do you want to?
• What would you like?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?

Phrases to Avoid:
• Analyzing, interpreting: you’re doing that because…
• Dominating or interrupting conversation
• Warning or instructing: If you don’t ____, you will regret it.
• Questioning or grilling: When did it happen,
where did it happen, why did you do that?
• Offering solutions: I think you should____.
• Providing overly positive evaluations: I’m sure you will be fine.

Learn more and get other great tips at http://www.uniteforchange.com/