New York Times article, Women at Risk by Bob Herbert

After reading this article I kept returning to it. I found myself frustrated and frightened. Most of all I wish I had all the answers. Even some of the answers. Read, reflect and let us know what you think.

xo

Becca

August 8, 2009

Op-Ed Columnist

Women at Risk
By BOB HERBERT

“I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne — yet 30 million women rejected me,” wrote George Sodini in a blog that he kept while preparing for this week’s shooting in a Pennsylvania gym in which he killed three women, wounded nine others and then killed himself.

We’ve seen this tragic ritual so often that it has the feel of a formula. A guy is filled with a seething rage toward women and has easy access to guns. The result: mass slaughter.Back in the fall of 2006, a fiend invaded an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania, separated the girls from the boys, and then shot 10 of the girls, killing five. I wrote, at the time, that there would have been thunderous outrage if someone had separated potential victims by race or religion and then shot, say, only the blacks, or only the whites, or only the Jews. But if you shoot only the girls or only the women — not so much of an uproar.

According to police accounts, Sodini walked into a dance-aerobics class of about 30 women who were being led by a pregnant instructor. He turned out the lights and opened fire. The instructor was among the wounded. We have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that the barbaric treatment of women and girls has come to be more or less expected. We profess to being shocked at one or another of these outlandish crimes, but the shock wears off quickly in an environment in which the rape, murder and humiliation of females is not only a staple of the news, but an important cornerstone of the nation’s entertainment.The mainstream culture is filled with the most gruesome forms of misogyny, and pornography is now a multibillion-dollar industry — much of it controlled by mainstream U.S. corporations. One of the striking things about mass killings in the U.S. is how consistently we find that the killers were riddled with shame and sexual humiliation, which they inevitably blamed on women and girls.

The answer to their feelings of inadequacy was to get their hands on a gun (or guns) and begin blowing people away.What was unusual about Sodini was how explicit he was in his blog about his personal shame and his hatred of women. “Why do this?” he asked. “To young girls? Just read below.” In his gruesome, monthslong rant, he managed to say, among other things: “It seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little [expletive] has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48.

One more reason.”I was reminded of the Virginia Tech gunman, Seung-Hui Cho, who killed 32 people in a rampage at the university in 2007. While Cho shot males as well as females, he was reported to have previously stalked female classmates and to have leaned under tables to take inappropriate photos of women. A former roommate said Cho once claimed to have seen “promiscuity” when he looked into the eyes of a woman on campus.Soon after the Virginia Tech slayings, I interviewed Dr. James Gilligan, who spent many years studying violence as a prison psychiatrist in Massachusetts and as a professor at Harvard and N.Y.U. “What I’ve concluded from decades of working with murderers and rapists and every kind of violent criminal,” he said, “is that an underlying factor that is virtually always present to one degree or another is a feeling that one has to prove one’s manhood, and that the way to do that, to gain the respect that has been lost, is to commit a violent act.”

Life in the United States is mind-bogglingly violent. But we should take particular notice of the staggering amounts of violence brought down on the nation’s women and girls each and every day for no other reason than who they are. They are attacked because they are female. A girl or woman somewhere in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every couple of minutes or so. The number of seriously battered wives and girlfriends is far beyond the ability of any agency to count.There were so many sexual attacks against women in the armed forces that the Defense Department had to revise its entire approach to the problem.We would become much more sane, much healthier, as a society if we could bring ourselves to acknowledge that misogyny is a serious and pervasive problem, and that the twisted way so many men feel about women, combined with the absurdly easy availability of guns, is a toxic mix of the most tragic proportions.

Kind Campaign

By Sabrina Sadler, Social Outreach Intern

A movement, based upon the powerful belief in Kindness, that seeks to bring awareness and healing to the negative and lasting affects of abuse within the "Girl World."

What is Kind Campaign?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every single girl has encountered an experience at some point within their lives in which they become aggressors or victims of girl-against-girl "crime". Physical fighting, name-calling, threats, power struggles, competition, manipulation, secrets, rumors, and ostracizing other girls, all fall under the category of girl-against-girl "crime". These "crimes" strip us of our identity.

Let's be real for a second. We all want to be liked. It’s already hard enough to accept ourselves for who we are, let alone accept the perceptions and judgments that other girls have of us. Over the years, the vicious ways in which females treat each other have become societal norms. With various media outlets that mock and even glamorize the issue, it seems that society has simply concluded, "That's the way girls are." We disagree, because we believe that there is goodness within all females, even if that goodness has been shoved aside by the pressures society has placed upon us. What we fail to realize and choose to ignore is the fact that these experiences very often lead to depression, anxiety, loss of self worth, eating disorders, drug abuse, alcoholism, attempted suicide and actual suicide in millions of girls lives.

But why? Doesn't it seem odd? Don't you think that as females, we should respect and support each other? Well, we think so… "We" are two college students, Lauren Parsekian and Molly Stroud, who have recognized this problem and have decided to do something about it. Whether it's your friends, family, acquaintances at school, people in the workplace, or even strangers, Kind Campaign is asking us all to reconsider the way we treat other females.

Look, we know it's hard to be a girl sometimes. We aren't asking for everyone to become best friends…that's simply unrealistic. However, we are suggesting something very simple: to STOP the competition, STOP the cattiness, STOP the hate, and to BE KIND.

UNITE FOR KINDNESS

The Kind Campaign sends the simplest message…to be kind. Often girls can be the harshest of critics to one another.
This should not be the case.
Girls should stand by one another.

Women should stand by one another.

The Kind Campaign reminded me of the Unite for Change Campaign based on the fact that as women when we hear that a girl was sexually assaulted we often become quick to judge the victim.
“That outfit she was wearing was asking for it.”
“She was leading him on.”
“Well she got drunk, so it’s her own fault.”

We make these judgments to distance ourselves from the victim to make us feel that we couldn’t have been sexually assaulted. But the truth is that any woman, any girl; anywhere can be the victim of sexual assault. It is not about what the victim was wearing, or if she flirted with perpetrator, or if she drank too much. She was violated, that is the truth.

As a victim of sexual assault one already blames themselves for being in the wrong place or talking to the wrong person, there is always some form of self blame. Victims of sexual assault have already been through enough.

We need to stop the victim blaming, Stop the Judging, and Be Kind.

Lauren Parsekian and Molly Stroud started the Kind Campaign, encouraging women and girls everywhere to be kind to one another.

Kelly Addington and Becca Tieder started the Unite for Change Campaign, educating and bringing awareness of sexual assault to college campuses.

It is everyday women that are able to bring KINDNESS.
It is everyday women that are able to bring CHANGE.
It is YOU. You can Be Kind. You can Bring Change.

Follow the Kind Campaign on Twitter: http://twitter.com/kindcampaign

Be a Role Model and Work it Like a Supermodel

Be a Role Model and Work it Like a Supermodel: Helping Students Build Healthy Relationships

By Kelly Addington

Working in the world of higher education we are faced with many challenges. We hear countless stories and are often familiar with the intimate details of student's lives. Whether we like it or not, students are seeking guidance and approval from us not only in an academic sense but also to help empower them to make good choices in their personal lives. Campus professionals sometimes get stuck in crisis management mode, on top of that, the "to do" lists are endless and the weekly hours often go way beyond the standard 40. Some days it may not seem like it but your actions are changing student's lives. You are mentors, mediators, educators and role models. By the way, please allow me to insert a giant thank you here. Being a good role model when it comes to healthy relationships is a chance to focus on the little things we can say and do to make a big difference. Or as I like to say, "Be a role model and work it like a supermodel."

My work as an anti-violence activist, campus professional and experience in working with survivors of sexual assault as well as their family, friends and partners has lead me to focus on what I believe to be one of the biggest issues facing students today— learning how to best communicate with those around us. By adapting our voices to speak the language of empowerment we can be both positive and honest when dealing with a student's needs and helping to create a culture that is preventative versus reactive. When it comes to speaking this language I have found a few quick tips that help me in my pursuit of supermodel status.

Create opportunities of enlightenment.
Take a moment that's average and turn it into something more. If a student mentions they're stressed about their current relationship, let them know they can talk to you. Taking a few minutes to really listen and help them find resolution can make a world of difference.

Respect yourself and others.
Respect is an essential part of any relationship, but sometimes we forget that it starts with respecting yourself. Respect and confidence can be contagious! Be confident in who you are and what you stand for and encourage your students to do the same.

A lesson of honesty and accountability.
Communicate openly and truthfully. It's okay to acknowledge questionable behavior as long as it is done without judgment. Sometimes individuals need to be reminded that they have control over their actions as well as their reactions.

Contribute to a campus and community free of violence.
Be a positive non-violent role model for students by using language and actions that support healthy and loving relationships. Provide a safe and comfortable environment in which students can express themselves and make healthy choices.

Encourage students to create their own solution.
This can be anything from better lighting and safety on campus to adding kosher and vegan food choices in the dining hall. Empowering students to be the change agent is teaching them to be a good citizen and a great leader.

Let students know they are not alone.
You are fun, honest, experienced and non-judgmental, so of course students feel close to you and are likely to come to you first with an issue. Please remind them that there are professional resources available on campus such as the counseling or health center and encourage students to take advantage them.

Our leaders of tomorrow are being shaped by you today. As a role model who works it like a supermodel you are sharing your wisdom strength, time, and talents to make the world of higher education a place where students can exceed their own expectations. It is a full circle moment when we realize that we have become to someone else what our mentors are to us. There is a reason you chose to devote your lives to working in higher education, perhaps it was a role model of your own?

For more information about communicating with students in regards to sexual violence, healthy relationships and everything in between you can contact Kelly or Becca at info@kellyandbecca.com.